[ Saturday, January 04, 2003 ]
Our sources in the Defense Department (aka Floss Global Services) have leaked to us a draft of the Homeland Security Office's new "homelander safe" product and art certification sticker.
Federal agencies, through a collaboration and joint marketing agreement with Wal-Mart, Nike, and other retailers, will begin using these stickers in the next few months to certify products as safe for homelander consumption. Additionally, the new Homeland Security Cultural Bureau will begin certifying art and other cultural production as either "homelander safe" or "not homelander safe."
The average citizen will then be encouraged to participate in the program by collecting points for purchases of "homelander safe" products and art. It's such a relief to see the federal government finally doing something about product safety and cultural regulation. Buy stuff, get points, and win more stuff!
[1/4/2003]
[ Friday, January 03, 2003 ]
There's another anti-war site that went up a few days ago, and is still in development. It's called www.fuckthewar.com , and it offers a free e-mail address "@fuckthewar.com" to anyone who wants one. There is only one guy putting up the site in his spare time (David), so he's asking for a voluntary 5 buck contribution for each e-mail address to help him handle the web hosting bills for the site. I got my e-mail address yesterday, so I now have yet another nomme de guerre, mikita@fuckthewar.com . Using an e-mail address like this is a great way to state one's opposition to the Bush regime's completely depraved and sadistic foreign policy.
For a presently more comprehensive Iraq anti-war site, look at the National Network to End the War Against Iraq , which has a protest calendar, Iraq news database, and voluminous links to other peace organizations and Iraq-related information.
[1/3/2003]
[ Thursday, January 02, 2003 ]
RECENT CORRESPONDENCE.
Dear Mr. [name withheld]:
I have been retained to represent Kathleen [name withheld] in her dispute with your office. It appears that, while you claim patriotic aims, you are, in fact, a front group for any number of anti-American organizations. Your mockery of the Homeland Security Department will not go unreported to the appropriate government agencies. Of course, by transmitting your felonious misrepresentation and impersonation of government officials through the internet, you have undoubtedly already exposed yourself to America's vast and unflinching security network. It is only a matter of time before true patriots come knocking on your door to make you pay for the crimes you have perpetrated against Ms. [name withheld] and the nation. Clearly, had you thought this through, you would have sent your message in Arabic, which no one in the security apparatus can read.
In addition, it is clear that your threat to deport Ms. [name withhelf] to Minnesota constitutes a clear threat of immediate harm, which has, as one could imagine, caused Ms. [name withheld] extreme emotional distress. As such, we advise you that we are prepared to file an action against you for one or more of the following: (1) assault; (2) intentional infliction of emotional distress; (3) fraud; and/or (4) improper use of a trademarked sock puppet. In order to avoid litigation over this matter, we hereby demand that you pay to Ms. [name withheld] $4.5 million in damages to cover her emotional distress as well as the purchase of a new wardrobe based on her belief in her imminent deportation, in addition to $565,000.32 to cover the legal fees she has incurred in this case.
Sincerely,
Steven K. [name withheld]
Attorney for
Kathleen [name withheld]
.
-Original Message-
From: mikita [mailto:mikita@homelanddrifter.com]
Sent: Monday, December 30, 2002 3:15 PM
To: xxxx@xxxxxxxxx.com
Subject: your mandatory registration document
Dear Ms. [name withheld],
Our sources in the Total Information Awareness Bureau have indicated that you have failed to complete your mandatory federal patriot registration form.
Due to your past and current participation in subversive political activities (e.g. National Lawyer's Guild, various feminist organizations, etc.), your federal patriot registration is required.
Failure to register by the end of this fiscal year could result in your deportation to Minnesota, and/or the suspension of your State Bar of California license. So pay attention, homelander, and submit your form at:
www.homelanddrifter.com
Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.
- Mikita Global Services (for the committe on homeland security registration, documentation, and communication)
[1/2/2003]
[ Tuesday, December 31, 2002 ]
2003, RESOLUTIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR. I used to catalogue my life, recently, with themes for each year. It made it easier to both maintain a journal and stay semi-sane. 1998 - freedom; 1999 - consciousness; 2000 - emotion; 2001 - confusion; 2002 - unknown (possible candidates: confusion redux, art, and unsanity). In any event, it's obviously an artificial demarcation, maybe somewhat useful. I already know that 2003 will be too big to have a single theme, so I'm dumping the project.
In any event, in 2003, I have resolved to make art, re-try and re-connect more with my parents, travel, focus more on building friendships, do culturally and politically confrontational work, and be less of a citizen and more humane, and this is just the start of a list, I guess.
There is a quote attributed to Henry Rollins, and I don't know if it's accurate or not, but it doesn't matter. "I didn't want to work at Pizza Hut, and I didn't want to go to college, so I had to be AWESOME." I already went to college (and then some), and for awhile had been getting used to being not awesome, but I know now that I want to be awesome in 2003, whatever that might mean.
[12/31/2002]
PAY ATTENTION BLACK ROCK CITY
